Hi bro 15-7

The guy sitting next me said: 'Just leave it there. They hire someone to clean it. Let's not put him out of work.' So all this popcorn that had fallen out of te huge bucket that he tipped over while leaning more into here inviting thighs, stayed there on the floor. It crunched under my feet while i dully left the cinema contemplating if i should kill this guy here on the spot. The movie was already sad in the sense that it was really bad. Now i felt anger as well, partly because this stupid idiot reminded me of you when you give one of your this-is-good-for-the-economy speeches with that confident priest-like smile that communicates that 'what's good for the economy is good for us all'. And yet, for all your amoral money making, the hedge fund magic that pleads to serve the general good while investing in child labour, weapon industry and other means of destruction, i also had to deal with the thought that you would have said something to this guy, that you would have done the right thing without using force, even making the guy feeling better about cleaning up his own mess. This realization made me feel guilty. I feel a lot of guilt these days. Even because of the toiletpaper i use. My luxurious, lily white toiletpaper is produced at the expensive of the rainforest. Trees - paper - shit - forest gone.

ps: yeah, i will be able to 'check out' your 'new toy' although you know i never was into sailing. It's just to do you a favour.

Hi Ems 14-7-07

You said you wanted to touch the sea. You ran off like a child and i just stood there, lukewarm champagne in one hand, your handbag in the other. You giving me your drink and bag made me assume that this intimacy between you and the sea was something that i had no part to play in. But i was involved. This unmeditated love of the sea made me understand that all your blablabla about how you made fun a routine, a daily job with rules and obligations, was actually true.
I observed you this whole evening, a habit from the past that i cannot give up. It's not exactly spying. It's just that i have to see how you play, laugh and interact with other people. This shameless fun making, this startling ability to make people work, pay, do anything for you. This unstoppable smile. But i didn't see any joy, not like the way you laughed when you decided to touch the sea. No routine when you sighed me to come over because you wanted me to see the dazzling complexity of foam, like how it resembles a house of mirrors, the structure of the galaxy and i might add, how it resembles you.

Hi Doris 13-7-07

I am not gonna apologize. Not because i am ignorant or arrogant. Not because i didnt mean it this way. Not because i said something without thinking. Not because i have a clean mind. Not because i forgot where it was all about. Not because i promised myself to stop apologizing to everyone all the time. Not because i am not to blame. Not because i dont want to be like Jesus. I am not gonna apologize because i simple do not know what the hell your are talking about.

Hi dad 9-9-07

Change is natural, is that what you are trying to say? I always assumed that something was true because it was solid, did not change, like that goddam Moses of you and his stone table. I just gotta say that your tv-mania puts my 'solid' upbringing in a different perspective. 'Tv kills the imagination,' that was one of your 'eternal' truths. For god's sake: I had to sneak to our creepy neighbours to see some Miami Vice and World Wide Wrestling. Not that i really liked these shows. It's just that you had to see them to blend in socially. What irritates me most is that outrageous speech you gave me spanning from Plato's unjustified degradation of the visible to McMluhan's 'like angels we know everything', from Schelling's philosophy of art to Hegels everchanging universe wherein every detail is intimately linked with the general. 'The TV as a god's eye point of view'. What bullshit to justify your laziness. Or maybe you tried to make fun of my old habit of intellectual justifying my own weaknesses. Ok, i give you that: the speech was phenomenal. Continued on the other postcard...

...But i didn't experience any 'mystical correspondences' in the 'radical visualization of the Here and Now' as if we were úsing 'God's all seing eye'. I did see a hawkeye though that reconstructs recent history concerning lines and tennisballs, i saw thousands of marriages, naked women dancing to save the earth, i saw a thick man and a blue globe, people yelling because the bricks around the corner turned out to be a miracle. I saw bikes, more tennisballs, more wonders, more music, more naked women. But these were all just fragments, trivia like percentages of first and second serves, the amount of winners and unforced errors, the average speed of a racecar, a bike, the total of people watching live earth on tv. All neatly calculated and represented. But it doenst add up to anything. It's just there and i can see it on tv.

ps: I will take 'Grey''s anatomy and 'Lost' with me next time to feed your tv hunger. Stay well.

Hi David 8-7-07

This is for your collection. I especially like the camerashots where there's only the erogene zones, no face, no identity, just ass. Shakira is really into that. And that gaze. Check it out. These girls or so porno. Compare that to our miserable youth with nice girl Debbie Gibson and Tiffany in her wide sweater.
Did you ever notice that guys in porn movies dont look into the camera. I found out that that was a iron rule. Man are forbidden to look into the camera. Only woman look at you to create the illusion that's its actually you doing the work. Go figure.
I would love to see how the work on your skin - nature - naked - porn collages is evolving. A few of my customers are really interested. I know you see this as a side project. But there's no shame in making money with something that you consider less valuable. It's just consumption. I'll be around next week.

Hi Ems 6-7-07

Vacation proves how hard it is to be happy. E. drove me crazy last night. The more he drank the more fiercely he talked about planning his Rambo-like workout program. To look good is to look hard. His stomach should resemble a knight's harnas. I had other six packs in mind in my vacation forecast. Yet, i did a set of goddam sit-ups to start my day. For a while i thought that was the sort of work out that kept your body in shape. How wrong was i. You always had a way of mixing pleasure with the pratical. Did you hear that project developpers are going to destroy the Island? Another 'lieu de memoire' erased. How many miles did i aimlessly stroll there as a method for dealing with the pain. Did i ever tell you that i went to the stupid rollercaster as if it was a grave, this place where you began all that talk about finding someone higher up in the foodchain. Call you next week when i'm around.

Hi sis

Life is NOT a circle, unless you mean we are circling around like a planet in it's orbit. But then again, i hate the suggestion that MY life (compared to your 'harmonious' life) is movement without direction. How could you possible say that. Dont get me wrong. You know that i love you, but never ever give me the -live-has-a-destination,-everything-comes-full-circle lecture again. And certainly NOT when she's around. Now here we have an example of movement without direction. Utter chaos. She IS an asylum. No suburbian house, nice child and steady job will ever succeed to mask that. Let me be.

He Dad

...with the stuff of upcoming dreams.
But no, it's real. I just stood there and couldn't believe my eyes. IT'S EXACTLY HER! Just for a second i considered the possibility of a miracle. Maybe you are right after all. But that's just humbug. Still, she was there on the portrait and i have seen her with you day in day out. I have a good memory for faces. It's Maria Magdalena. She made me think of redemption and eternal life and how convenient that would be. I'll visit you soon. Any DVD's you like me to take with me to pass the time?

Hi Doris

Hi Doris 2-7-07

Sorry that i couldn't make it last night. I could make an excuse but you will a) not believe it b) believe it but not accept it c) think that i have changed for the worst. Maybe that's the thing. Whatever you say: i did not change. It's just that i revealed more of myself that was allready there. You not accepting that hurts me. Maybe that makes me wanna hide right now. Is that the reason for my absence? I don't know. All i know is that the clouds were beautifull today. And my breakfast reminded me of your obessive precicion. Does this mean anything?

Hi David

...i had a bad start. You know how peculiar i am about my morning coffee. The filter collapsed. My coffee ruined. I just couldn't get that out of my head. Bad coffee, bad start, bad day. So i didnt phone this guy that might be interested in your latest painting. Dont be angry. I know you are short of money. Who isn't. But i wanted to be on the safe side today. I only took a long walk and enjoyed the flowers. Sometimes i have this overwhelming feeling that human beings dont have to make art. Beauty is not a human invention. Well, that's what the flowers tell me. Dont call me.

Hi mom

...the good news is that i spent it on usefull things. You see: i do listen to you! I guess i even felt quilty all these times i destroyed my funds with drinking, long vacations, expensive gifts for my 'bad' girlfriends and other sorts of idle debauchery. But guilt doesnt pay the bills anymore. I've changed. I still spent more money than i have, but it's different now. I bought a juice machine just like the one you always used to have. God, sometimes i really miss being a child, waking up, going to he kitchen and finding my fresh orange juice there. You dont realize what you have until its gone.

See u soon mom.